|
|
|
|
Maybe I'm nonsense
|
|
|
|
Anger tells us when something is wrong. I'm sure I've written that to you before. It's not a good idea to ignore anger and disappointment, fear and fatigue. But we do it all the time. We tell ourselves something is no big deal. We practice empathy and soothe ourselves by saying "Oh, they didn't mean it like that." We put the ownness on ourselves because the only thing in the world that you truly control is yourself. We seek to be impassive.
|
Well, I say fuck that. Maybe I'm just too empathetic. Maybe I'm just too forgiving. Maybe I'm just too accommodating. Or maybe people really are mostly selfish assholes and I've had enough. Get angry and show it to people, they've had it too goddamn easy lately.
|
I'm angry. FYI. I'm angry at myself for not being able to be explicit about my boundaries. For saying "yeah ok" too much. At being unable to take what I need. At my incessant over giving until the point that I'm sick in the head and losing my shit in my stupid newsletter that is digital and therefore I cannot set it on fire.
|
Ahem. Ok, rant over, what's been happening this week? I've written several posts lately:
|
|
Maybe I'm atrophying
|
|
|
|
Speaking of fires, today I went to run an errand and saw a legit dumpster fire. The dumpsters here are made of plastic. The fire truck blocked the road, and the dumpster was both melting and smouldering up the side of a building. It's the first time I've seen a melting dumpster, it smelled like you think it would.
|
The months of July and August tend to be quiet at work. Evidence, perhaps, that the majority of people in my network live and work in the EU, the UK or the USA. It's an unnerving period of time in which no new clients or projects emerge from the internet mist, and I start to wonder what I should actually be doing. The freedoms that come with owning your own business are paradox to the insipid and dull fear that what you do is flailing and purposeless.
|
So it's at this time of year that I wonder what I'm doing with my life, what I still have time for. My insides atrophying. Ha, I see your smirk. We both know that my brain throws these contemplations up at every time of year.
|
|
|
|
Maybe I need help?
|
While many of my friends and colleagues have been off on adventures and holidays, I've been here. I took a few weeks off at the end of February / beginning of March. I took a week off in June, but that was more self-inflicted mental torture than anything else. I took a week in July to visit family, which, while lovely, is not restful. But soon. Soon I will go to the sea for three weeks and surely that will turn me into the completely new person I keep expecting to be.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
