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Maybe I'm faithful
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Is faith, my friends, supposed to require coercion? Or is faith something that requires no negotiation? Because I have told myself this week that I will have faith. I will believe in an act of solidarity, hope and consequence. I will fight for, demonstrate and champion this faith, until there's no reason to do so. However, I am actively working to have this faith. I am, at times, scared shitless and so I wonder if I have faith or if I am pretending to have faith.
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An apt expression might be "fake it until you make it" in the hopes that the faith that I fake indeed makes a difference. I'm aware that I'm being quite cryptic. I would argue that the particular circumstance doesn't matter (to you). What matters is the reflection as to whether or not it's "faith" if the rot of fear leading to disbelief continues to tinge the edge of your mind.
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There's a good possibility that this doesn't matter either. What, though, are newsletters for if not to spew impulses for intellectual consideration and share a bunch of random links to things that are mostly unrelated?
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Maybe I'm awake
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It was sunnier this week, but the dark cloud hovering over things remains as Winter still hasn't started to peter out into Spring. After a good night of sleep someone asked me how I was, and I responded that I had "slept like the dead on vacation". I imagine the dead on vacation sleep better than the rest of us could ever imagine. I haven't been sleeping well. I chose to see a good night's sleep as a gift. It feels as if my current bout of exhaustion and reverie is turning five years old, but more likely it ebbs and flows, ebbs and flows.
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It has to be the Winter. I know, via photographic evidence, that Spring will come and I'll have energy for the garden and the bike and finish my album and play with 3D and all the other things I'm not doing because I just can't.
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Maybe I need help?
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