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Maybe I'm generative
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Erikson's model, image taken from here
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Ah, the early nineties, when I put a pillow over the modem late at night so my mom wouldn't hear the modem spinning up. Many of you already know I started playing around with the concept of identity back then, when I had multiple online personas and was a troller of trolls. Looking back I had some very intimate conversations with men three times my age...ew.
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Do healthy brain people ever have a stable sense of their own identity? According to Erik Erikson's psychosocial theory, we'll get there when we're dead. But I wonder if people who are not afflicted by [insert mental health diagnosis of your choice] are stable in-between the stages Erikson talked about.
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To tell you the truth, I haven't been feeling at home in my head for the last few weeks. I thought I just need some time off work. It would seem that I don't know what I need. With the start of a new year there are the typical checkboxes to check. I'll reinvigorate my routines. I'll do a 30 day yoga challenge. I'll pay attention to my consumption and whatnot. It's the same every year. Or is it? My brain is still my brain. Am I stagnant? Am I in despair? Or am is my brain just generally broken?
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Maybe I'm kosmos
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For Xmas I was given a biography of Alexander von Humboldt, which I've devoured. Well, almost, I still have some pages left. Humboldt was the first to do data visualisation. He discovered the magnetic equator. He's responsible for how we think about nature, even today. He inspired Goethe, Darwin and Thoreau, and the biography makes it clear that those men's greatest works (Faust, the Origin of the Species, Walden) are breakthroughs that wouldn't have happened without Humboldt's fascinating work.
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Humboldt was the first to research and write about human beings as being part of nature, rather than godsends that rule over it. If we are part of nature, then all this overthinking and anxiety and depression and whatnot is quite natural, and you're all dealing with it to. Right? RIGHT!?
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Long sigh. If only I had a little dial that let me choose how I want to feel on a daily basis...
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Maybe I need help?
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I return to the office next week and to be honest, I've got some anxiety about it. Over the past three weeks I've slept poorly, and work stuff has been a theme. Loved ones tell me that I'll easily slip back into it and even find joy in 2023. We'll see.
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For now I make my typical FBT offer – you are always welcome to hit reply. Welcome to another year. What are you hoping for in 2023? What are your plans for 2023?
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