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Maybe I'm deprioritising
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For two weeks I have deprioritised this newsletter and a bunch of other things, with the exception of work work. This week I aimed to do better. I should not be deprioritising things that make me happy. I did a little better, I guess. I didn't manage to manage my creative energy. I did creative things, for work. I wrote narrative-type things, for work. I made things better, for work. I sorted and planned and moved things forward, for work.
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I didn't, despite my efficient work work techniques, find time to do much of anything the past few weeks. I stared at several walls. I rode my bike a couple times. I didn't cross anything off my personal to-do list. I started something, and if it hadn't been for a sleepless night that led to an ineffective day that ensured my failed time management, I might have finished it.
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Included on said personal to-do list are things like "build a website for Maybe Zombies". It's easy to deprioritise such a thing because despite owning maybezombies.com for several years, I barely mention that I wrote this novel, let alone bother to set something up beyond a redirect. Other tasks that just don't get done include doing anything with my other URLs (zythepsary.com, digitalriot.de), posting anything to PixelFed, SEO for a website I manage. And, of course, writing.
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I was writing. I wrote Victoria, and I started another short story. I was writing FBT every week. And then, I don't know, I allowed myself to be bogged down. So, sigh, here's another public promise to myself – I will stop getting bogged down.
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"If you don't consistently practice your writing, just as if you don't consistently practice your running, you fall out of shape far too quickly, and then you'll fall behind or fall apart." Audrey Watters
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Anyway, stuff isn't done, but I started building a new section on my site for flash fiction and random stuff like my Salty Sea Shanty. I published:
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Maybe I'm dreaming
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Moving ever forward, aren't we? Did you ever notice that as static as you might feel, you're not static at all? We are deteriorating back into stardust. Running out of time to go see random contemporary art exhibitions or learn Spanish properly by moving somewhere in Galicia even though you've never been there and have no idea what to expect. We're always on a time budget. Memento Mori.
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Intellectually, we all know we're dying, but for some reason it's easier for some to avoid our scary realities than others. Avoidance to the reality of our climate emergency was a topic this week. We interviewed author Adam Greenfield who spoke eloquently about this reality. Later I had a conversation around all the things I didn't have a chance to say on the podcast itself.
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It's hard to survive if you're always looking destruction right in the face (though our brains do solve for that with a little thing called neuroplasticity). There are people who look that destruction in the face and say stuff about it. And there are people who get their hands dirty and do something about it. A lot of times those are different people. It's not a judgement, it's an observation.
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There is a quiet courage in finding what you are capable of in this life and accepting it when you realise the things you cannot possibly do even if you wanted to.
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Maybe I need help?
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Next week I'm ditching work to go wander around in the woods. I'm ready. I need some nature and a jolt to my senses. It's only a few days away, but I need to get off my winter hamster wheel. TBD if I manage to take my bike with me. I'm half-heartedly trying to train for a 250km ride I'm doing in May, and actually, I should get whole hearted about it.
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What about you? What's been running through your mind lately? You're still here, reading. Why?
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