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Maybe I'm going
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It's Thursday. I have nothing to say. I heard a scream outside.Or was that my robot vacuum?Seriously, what is that noise?Should I be focused now? No. I have meetings about 6 different things today.Writing is not one of them.
Hello friendly readers (and hello to non-friendly readers as well, you do you). Perhaps you noticed that last week there were no Freshly Brewed Thoughts in your inbox. My non-poetic poem above is all I wrote for last week's newsletter. I saved some links, but I have been struggling with the "what's the point" of it all and thus, I didn't bother to try. A couple of things have me trying again.
- I am not alone: https://dougbelshaw.com/blog/2021/08/29/the-end-of-vigilance/
- I am floating: https://fs.blog/2014/05/hunter-s-thompson-to-hume-logan/
- I am subversive: https://www.nbcnews.com/think/opinion/nothing-threatens-patriarchy-more-woman-unafraid-demand-attention-ncna854911
I'm supposed to keep going. Everyone says it, but I don't know exactly what that means. Even if I'm not producing anything, publishing anything, contributing to the global conversation (or whatever), I'm still going. There are developments. Stuff is happening. It's just that I never seem to be content with the amount that I'm doing. But I keep going.
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Maybe I'm curious
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Been thinking about ageing lately, probably because it's September. Lots of family birthdays this month. Did you ever notice that when you look in the mirror you always see your own face? I mean, despite how much I've changed over time, I don't feel any kinship to any of the mes outside of the mirror me. A 20 year old version of me, captured in a photograph doesn't look like me. Yet I don't see myself as any different...I don't know how to explain this. I guess I'm saying your mirror image is like a frog boiling. The ageing thing seems to just happen without us really paying attention to it.
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David Foster Wallace describes a similar foray into this sort of existential curiosity. He talks about the "awareness of what is so real and essential". I slip from my awareness on a regular basis. We all do.
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Maybe I need help?
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I'm getting used to spinning my wheels and sort of settling in to the uncomfortable chaos I have been feeling this year. I honestly don't know what I'm doing, and I'm starting to feel kind of ok about that. How are you?
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