Yesterday I wrote this post, but I forgot to post it…
Yesterday, Doug said that I tend to bombard people with ideas, which overwhelms them. He told me that I need to start resurfacing my ideas, and making connections for people, so they can see the big picture. He told me to stop moving onto the next thing before people have grokked the work I’ve already done and how their work links to it.
That’s not how Doug’s feedback hit me at the time, I processed it. It was good feedback.
When I got quiet, Doug said “I wasn’t trying to piss you off,” but I was just processing, reflecting, trying to stand in his shoes.
Yesterday, I was presenting a sort of napkin sketch I had put together. In my mind the sketch was pretty worked out. I had documented the way that I would do a particular thing, the plan that I would put in place, and to me it was clear enough that someone else could take it and build it.
As the meeting continued, I realized that my colleagues couldn’t see the picture I saw in my brain. My napkin sketch didn’t demystify the system. I didn’t order the chaos in my head well enough for them to connect the dots.
When I got quiet, someone said “Laura, you look very concerned,” but I was just processing, reflecting, trying to stand in their shoes. Apparently I make faces when I’m trying to understand other people’s minds.
Yesterday, I posted something in the connected courses forum for Unit 3: The World Wide Web – From Concept to Platform to Cultures, and
Jeffrey Keefer said
That is one of the things I am struggling with in #ccourses anyway; what central hub to go to when I get behind and somewhat disoriented. Good thing for me to consider, now that I am considering it, as I hope this exercise helps to sensitize me more to my students who may also feel disoriented at times.
When I got quiet, I processed that statement and equated the disorientation with fear of the chaos, the need for order, and I started to reflect on how my understanding of order may be different from other people’s understanding.
I think this fear rears it’s ugly head when you’re learning about technology, and we tend to look at people who “can computer” as being gifted in some way. We think “I could never do that.”
I’m failing because I am not ordering much of my work in a way that other people can understand. I can’t see where the disconnect is so I’m not sure how to fix it.
I think not being able to see is something we struggle with when we’re learning about technology, and just like in any other situation it cripples us with frustration. We think “I’m never going to learn this!”
I’m failing because I’m not doing well at helping people order their things so that we can link our work together.
I think we don’t help each other enough. In anything. But that might be another story altogether.
I’m failing and it hurts, but at least I’m learning. Now I can push myself to figure out how I have to present things so that people can see the connection, so that they can understand the system. I am not a finisher, but I have to learn how to pull my ideas further.
When we’re learning, we have to be brave. Learning is chaos, and chaos can be scary, yes, but I think any system can be tamed, ordered, reigned in. I have to learn to order the chaos in my brain better, and be brave enough to keep failing.